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Article

Kindness: Feel better or live better?

May 8, 2024

Over the years, as our Center has served many struggling families and individuals, we’ve come to

understand the nuances of kindness. There are two distinct forms: one focuses on feelings, and one

focuses on actions. Kindness based on feelings seeks to keep people happy in the moment. Sometimes,

this is fine and even motivational. A sincere compliment, encouragement, or even a smile can brighten

someone’s day and make them feel better. However, while it feels good to make people happy, it's also

important to recognize that long-term “feel-better” kindness, while well-intentioned, can inadvertently

hinder independence. “Feel-better” kindness will avoid addressing the root causes of struggles because

it feels unkind to bring up anything that could be perceived as negative or difficult.


“Do-better” kindness focuses on today's decisions that lead to the best future tomorrow. This kindness

teaches, supports, and empowers. Sometimes, that can mean difficult conversations that don’t feel

happy in the moment but are necessary for long-term success.


Understanding the difference between “feel-better” and “do-better” kindness is a powerful tool for

positive change. In our fast-paced, instant gratification world, it's easy to mistake short-term feelings for

long-term stability. But by breaking this pattern, we can help our clients build a better future. This

requires a shift towards long-term focused kindness that equips clients with skills such as discernment,

boundaries, and communication, enabling them to rise above their current circumstances.


Ideally, “feel-better” and “do-better” kindness work together to encourage, teach, and raise up a stable

generation, fulfilled, and, yes, even happy.

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